Monday, February 28, 2011

Worst Fears Realized

I ran into an old friend today. A guy who use to flirt with me when I was hot and skinny, we even made out once... but the look on his face said it all. He was shocked and didn't even recognize me. That's how much weight I've gained, the guy didn't even recognize me.

I said, "I know I'm sorry, I gained a lot of weight."

He said, "I thought you were in program. Why aren't you going to meetings."

I use to go to Overeaters Anonymous and he knew about it.

I just smiled and said, "I don't know. I just don't."

He replied, "Well, you need to go back."

He looked disgusted with me... horrified. It was so embarrassing. It kinda pissed me off too... I mean who the hell is he to treat me that way? It's not like he's some Greek God or anything... he's actually not very attractive at all... but he's not fat.

Seems like you can be anything in life... a drug addict, an alcoholic, a gambler, a compulsive shopper... you can drive like a jerk, flip people off on the road, be a bad tipper... whatever... and people will love you... as long as you're not fat.

It motivates me to stick to my eating program even more.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Starting Jenny Craig Today

I am a blogger and I write about a lot of things... I do product reviews and pretty much write about everything under the sun. I got signed up in this blogger program that Jenny Craig is starting this week where I get a deal on the food and program to give it a try and write about it. I figured why not? I mean I could easily lose 80 - 100 lbs... well not "easily" but you know what I mean.

I have been fat since my early 20's and I'm 41 now - there was a period when I lost a lot of weight - I got down to my goal weight, I was super hot!

Look at me, I look great! I look happy! I'm a healthy weight here.

But it all crept back on. A few pounds here and a few pounds there.

Then my mom got sick with cancer and I let myself eat anything I wanted. Then I went to take care of her and ate everything in her house. Then she died and I ate. Then we buried her and I ate. Then I continued to eat. I put on the 100 lbs that I had originally lost. I was (am) mortified. I don't go out much. I stay in. I don't want to see old friends who haven't seen me in a while because I don't want them to see that I have gained all my weight back. I live like a hermit. I work from home so I sit in my apartment all day dreading going out because I might run into someone that I know but that's insane!

Here I am now. I'm smiling, but I'm not that happy... at least not with how I look.

It's time to take action. It's time to do something and this Jenny Craig opportunity might be exactly what I need to get things going. I've lost about 20 lbs on my own in the last year or so... it's just a fraction of what I need to lose but it's something.

I'm really excited to go in and see what this program is all about.